Art by Laura Berger
Therapy is an unconventional process. We sit in this room for an hour. Talk with someone we know very little of, and share really deep, sometimes difficult, often painful things. Sometimes, you walk out feeling relieved. Other times, you might feel terrible and wonder if it’s helping at all. There are rarely any immediate moments of change and it can take a while to see tangible results. So it’s only natural to wonder if the weekly effort of bearing your soul is effective. From my experiences of being a therapist and a client in therapy, I put down a few points that I think are good indicators to know if therapy is helping you. This isn’t an exhaustive list but it’s a good place to start if you’re wondering if therapy is helping.
You feel heard by your therapist
Sharing things with a stranger can be difficult and even uncomfortable. But a good sign that therapy is going well is when you know that you can tell your therapist anything and still feel like they’ll empathise with and validate your feelings. They might not agree with everything you say but they’ll still attempt to understand where you’re coming from.
You feel hopeful
Like I said, change doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes an indicator that therapy is helping you isn’t in the fact that you’re magically cured of all the difficult feelings. It’s more in the fact that you start to feel more hopeful of your ability to deal with everything that’s going on.
You have agency in your sessions
Therapy is always a collaborative process. This means that both parties work together on the journey. The idea that a therapist controls the session and plays ‘mind games’ is far from the truth. You’re the authority figure when it comes to your life because you live it out on a 24×7 basis. Hence, it’s important that you feel like you have some control over the direction of the session. This can be in what you choose or do not choose to share with your therapist. Or it’s in the insight that your therapist provides. Their insight isn’t gospel truth and you’re always welcome to provide your own opinions.
You have insight into thought or behaviour patterns that you didn’t have before
Self-awareness, while not necessarily the goal of therapy, is one of the best by-products of the process. Uncovering patterns you keep repeating, ways you respond in relationships, unhelpful ideals you set for yourself or unrealistic ways of looking at things – they can all be extremely helpful on your growth journey. Having these insights, even if you don’t know what to do with them just yet, is a sign that you’re on the right path.
P.S. – It’s also okay to tell your therapist if you feel like something might not be working for you. Together, you can discuss what’s not going well and what both of you can do about it. Don’t be afraid to be honest with your therapist. A good therapist will always make room for your thoughts and concerns.
About the author-
Abisha Fernandes is a therapist at Kaha Mind. When she doesn’t have her head buried in a book, she can be found researching the latest health fad, curating the perfect playlist or talking to a friend about any/all of these things.