Depression and anxiety are some of the most common mental health disorders. According to World Health Organization, India is home to an estimated 57 million people affected by depression (18% of the people estimated to be affected globally). In addition to stigma, there is a significant gap in the healthcare facilities to provide treatment and support. There are several studies about the prevalence of mental illnesses in India, and the ranges vary vastly. It is clear that both as an absolute number and as a proportion, the number of people affected by various mental illnesses is significant. As per a National Mental Health Survey in India, one in 20 people over 18 years of age have ever suffered (at least once in their lifetime) from depression. Forget a diagnosis, the stigma can hold back people from even acknowledging that they have symptoms.
These statistics point towards the likelihood of us experiencing or knowing someone who has or is experiencing depression. The numbers alone are overwhelming, to think about how to help someone going through this can be even more daunting. How a mental illness can affect anyone differs vastly and so does the support they need. Mental illnesses can also be worsened by all sorts of social and psychological and economic factors. Knowing that you have or will come across someone living with a mental illness, it is helpful to consider a few ways in which you could help.
Let’s be clear, this is hardly a laundry list of how you can help someone you know when they are suffering from any mental illness. This is NEVER a substitute for professional help, including psychotherapy and medication if needed. But these are a few ways in which you can be there for others in your life.
Show up. Or text. Or call. If you know someone has depression or anxiety and you have not heard from them in a while, consider these options. Think about the person and be aware and responsive to what they need from you. For some people phone calls can cause more anxiety and perhaps text messages work better. Some of us tend to isolate ourselves and a friend or family member showing up is a reminder that people care.
Feed the person, with something nourishing if you can. Eating or eating healthy food is hard when your mind is struggling. It is easy to tell people to eat better but when even moving from the bed is hard, feeding yourself can seem impossible. Take some food over, leave it for them to eat later or eat with them, or get something delivered.
This one is particularly important, NO MATTER what your beliefs or world-views about seeking help from a therapist or psychiatrist are, about taking medications are, keep them to yourself. This is not the occasion for a debate, this is a time when someone you know is struggling.
Continuing in the same vein: do not blame the person. Perhaps in your head their illness is related to a decision they took or a life choice they made. Perhaps you feel they have no reason to feel sad. It is not relevant, you are there to help, not judge. Don’t ask questions such as “what do you have to be sad about, at least you do not have to worry about finding a job/finding a partner/money/looks/weight/
Oh another thing: don’t tell people to do yoga or go to this temple or that site or talk to this healer or try homeopathy or something and promising them that this will “fix them”. There is no “fixing”. At best if you know of something that has helped you or others perhaps with your health or mood, recommend it. Offer it as an option, maybe you are going for a yoga class and you offer them the option of going with you. Better still, ask them if there is something that helps them. Exercise can help with depression and anxiety but telling someone to just get up and exercise is not something that works.
Help them set up an appointment to talk to someone. This is hardly easy given the dearth of professionals and how expensive it can be. Do the research when they cannot about the, who, when, where. Ask the questions they cannot and try and be the advocate they need. Look into the options available online.
Do not use guilting statements. There is no evidence that people have snapped out of depression just because someone said ‘think about your family’ or ‘if you die, you may as well kill your parents”.
In my experience truly helping means laying aside a lot of the assumptions that are normalized through daily life about what it means to be happy, successful or what it even means to be acting true to your given gender. It means putting aside notions of who gets to be happy vs. unhappy and being there for other people in the way they need you, and not in the ways you think you should be there.
About the author-
Shruti Saxena is a development practitioner with interest and experience in education, mental health and gender justice. In her spare time she enjoys watching plays and listening to podcasts.