As the cursor blinks, I try to think of something that has not been discussed at length about suicide prevention. Anything insightful that would shake us from our everyday reverie. Celebrity suicides generally serve that purpose – shock us to our senses.
It allows us to participate in the deconstruction of a taboo act, but from a safe distance. It doesn’t require us to get down and dirty with all the very real factors that make suicide a plausible option. There’s the safe distance of fame, money, wealth and “that’s Bollywood for you” to help you feel like this would never happen to you or anyone you know.
Ground Realities
It was initially believed that there are 6 survivors for every instance of suicide. ‘Survivors’ include family, partners and close friends. Latest research now puts the number of individuals exposed per suicide at 135. WHO (Global Burden of Disease, 2018) puts the number of suicide deaths in India at 2.3 lakhs. This would translate to roughly 3 crore individuals being exposed to suicide annually in India. Level of exposure varies and thus, so does the level of grief. But any exposure to suicide needs to be followed up with a conversation about how one makes sense of abrupt loss. If not, we’re doomed to repeat patterns. The concept of ‘postvention is prevention’ comes into play. Post-loss conversations are important because they offer a rare space for sharing and display of care.
Checking-in on self
Sushant Singh Rajput dying by suicide has once again trained floodlights on mental health and suicide prevention. Social media is besieged by tributes as well as triggering posts. This sort of flooding can be hard to be around. Mixed feelings – sadness, shock, anger, are perfectly normal. There is no template for mourning or to even process loss of a distant public figure. What makes times like these tough is that it also brings to mind our own rough days. Days we had loved ones reach out to us for help. Times we lost loved ones to self-harm. For some of us, it’s an ongoing battle. We plod with our blinkers on, a day at a time. In this landscape, a loss such as this can feel unexpected. We might feel wobbly, have hard questions for ourselves. It’s okay to feel more vulnerable.
Building Community
Yesterday’s twitter had several variations of “My DMs are open” “Talk to me” “ Call me” “You’re not alone”. For someone whose mental health challenges are invisibilized regularly, these words can ring hollow. And to turn away from these messages is an understandable response. But we must also not ignore the important sentiment behind (seemingly) hollow platitudes. It’s important to talk.
It doesn’t have to be a dear but undependable friend. It could be a therapist, it could be sharing a hobby with someone, or even sharing miseries online. It could be swapping quarantine recipes with strangers on the internet. Frenetic activity on a goodreads book club (or you could start this?). Our sense of community isn’t about colleges, institutions, work, street or even neighbourhood. It can be created out of reddit. The places, where you feel seen, where you feel heard? Where words of comfort or support ring true. That is your community.
It’s 2020: Lets update our views
We’ve all had uncles, aunties (and parents) who have repeatedly emphasized that “suicide is for the weak” “its selfish” “must be money problems” “that’s what you get when you’re in an unstable field”. All of these arguments? It can be taken to the nearest trash can. None of these hold weight.
Suicide is borne out of prolonged misery or crises situations. All of them have more elements playing a role than we can understand. We can’t simplify experiences or reduce them to neat labels such as “shock of poor marks” because it makes an incomprehensible act more comprehensible. It’s necessary we take our knowledge (researched & evidence-backed) to those who sow seeds of misinformation.
Accurate information can’t exist on the margins. We can’t depend on threads or posts from those undergoing mental health challenges to educate us. That’s the lazy way out.
We often ask why there’s so much silence? When was the last time any of us spoke about seeking help or normalizing access to mental health services outside of an obvious public trigger? Our stance can’t come out whenever there’s a ‘perfect’ moment. Everyday is a moment. The more we utilize it, the more we save lives, the more these become mainstream.
This is also a time for us to rethink conversations around mental health and suicide prevention. Here are some do’s and don’ts that you can keep in mind.
Written by the Kaha Mind team. To reach out to us, please send an email to hello@kahamind.com