Being a therapist is a bit like being a chameleon – we have to adapt to each client’s unique situation and concerns. Just as we all play different roles with different people in our lives, as therapists, we also have to be versatile and flexible in the roles that we take on with our clients, depending on their specific needs and concerns. Each client and each concern is unique, and our approach to therapy must be tailored to meet their individual needs.
It’s easy to get caught up in the different roles we take on as therapists. Do you know that feeling of wanting to swoop right in and be the self-appointed Superman? I was right there when I first started practicing as a therapist. In fact, I vividly remember a client I had whose countertransference strongly influenced my actions. I was so eager to help her escape from what I perceived as a toxic relationship that I may have influenced her decision to leave. Looking back, I realize that I failed to respect the boundaries of our therapist-client relationship and overstepped my role as a therapist. My actions had the potential to rob her of a meaningful and empowering experience of self-discovery.
Why was this happening to me? Honestly, at that time, I had no idea. But I can tell for sure that these thoughts were like a swarm of bees buzzing around my head, and I would often find myself questioning whether I was truly making a positive impact in my clients’ lives. Was I doing enough? Was I helping my clients in the right way? What if I was doing more harm than good? The more I tried to swat them away, the more they seemed to multiply.
I would dwell on my insecurities for hours, only to realize over time that this was not only unproductive but also problematic for my clients and me. I went through several rounds of supervision and personal therapy to understand what was going on. Through this process, I recognised that my self-doubt wasn’t just limited to my professional life; it stemmed from a deeper fear of not being liked or perceived as incompetent. And as a way to (over)compensate, I would often feel the pressure to “fix” my clients’ problems and rescue them from their troubles.
This rescuer role made me strongly desire to help my clients and alleviate their distress. However, I soon realized that this approach could actually hinder the therapeutic process, as it created an imbalanced dynamic in which the therapist became the expert and the client became passive and reliant on the therapist. Additionally, it only increased my feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt– because try as I did, I could not save my clients.
And that experience taught me an important lesson about the essence of therapy. It’s not about me swooping in and saving the day. It’s about empowering my clients to tap into their inner resources and make decisions that are right for them. As a therapist, my role is to guide them toward self-discovery and growth, and in that way, help them achieve a sense of agency and control in their own lives.
This realization was both humbling and empowering. It allowed me to shed the pressure of being a “rescuer” and instead focus on being a “helper”- a compassionate and supportive ally in my clients’ journeys. Sometimes, this meant simply mirroring their emotions or helplessness, which would lead them to their own realizations and insights. Other times, I would take the lead in encouraging them to challenge their negative thought patterns and become active players in their own lives.
Of course, all of this is easier said than done. It requires me to be patient, be present, and be willing to sit with my own discomfort. And for those of you with similar troubles, it can help to start by recognizing when our doubts are productive and when they aren’t. It also helps to reflect on our own motivations for wanting to be in a helping profession and explore the impact this might be having on the therapeutic relationship.
In this journey, I have also started to see the upside of self-doubt and how helpful it can be to give up the “rescuer” role and instead move to the role of a helper. Firstly, it serves as a signal that I need to take a step back and reflect on my work. Secondly, it helps me identify areas where I need to improve or seek additional training or supervision.
Now, whenever I feel the familiar pang of self-doubt creeping in, I remind myself that my role is not to have all the answers, but rather to be a guide or a cheerleader for my clients as they navigate the complexities of their lives. And let’s be honest, most people don’t like being told what to do. So now I trust that by empowering my clients to find their own way, they will ultimately discover their own strength and resilience.