“I need some time to process this”
You’ve probably heard or even said this before. We often talk about processing shocking news or difficult experiences. But what does ‘processing your emotions’ even mean? Emotional processing is a really broad term with a lot of different ingredients that go into it. It begins with an awareness of your emotions and learning how to accept and manage them. When you’re able to understand your own emotions, it becomes easier to communicate this to others as well. It also involves being able to regulate your emotional arousal and self-soothe during moments of distress.
How do we go about this, what’s the ‘process’ or recipe to processing your emotions? Unfortunately, while we have a set of ingredients, there’s no single recipe for emotional processing. Different things work for different people so it’s all about experimenting to find what’s right for you! We’ve put together five starter mixes to begin your journey of emotional processing.
1. What’s in a name? Everything!
Names bring order to chaos. While the mind fumbles and trips on itself (read-overthinking!) putting a name to the complicated feelings we’re going through can be helpful. You can start with a list of feelings– could it be anger, sadness, resentment, disappointment, or regret? When we’re overwhelmed sometimes these can seem too close to each other and blur into one. But when you take the time to identify the nuances of your feelings it can help you take action accordingly. Putting a name to a feeling is acknowledging its existence, which can be the first step towards acceptance. But what if it’s hard for you to put a name to the feeling in the first place? Well, we have something for you!
2. Listen to your body – it says a lot!
Do you know that a difficult memory is registered not only in the mind but also in the body? Spend some time observing the physical sensations in your body– the tightness in your chest, the butterflies in your stomach, or your shaking legs. Tuning into your body is a good way to get a hold of what you’re feeling. Fear, anger, joy, disgust, and surprise are all among the myriad of emotions that talk to us and manifest in different ways within our bodies. Are you listening?
3. Write, write, write!
Okay, you’ve identified your emotions and maybe even felt the ways they’re talking to you through your body. Now what? Let’s get a little deeper into understanding our experiences, by writing them out. Is it hard to put pen to paper when it comes to yourself? Turn this around by writing about your experiences but in the third person. Sushma feels incredibly sad about what has happened. Easier to say this? We think so! You can also write from a first-person perspective and look at the patterns in your day-to-day feelings. This can deepen your understanding of your emotional experience. Who doesn’t like their own “Dear diary” moment? So make yourself the main character and write, write, write.
4. When you say nothing at all…
It’s possible that writing still isn’t your thing. Or maybe you’re just looking for some other outlet for all these emotions inside. Often finding healthy outlets to express your emotions can be transforming. Whether it’s through physical activities like working out, creative endeavors like doodling or painting, or baking up some delicious sugary treats. All forms of expression are valid and valuable, as long as they help you cope with and make sense of your emotions in the moment.
5. All about self-compassion
In navigating the maze of our emotions, even a little bit of self-compassion can go a long way. Sitting with our feelings can be a heavy experience sometimes and it’s important to be gentle with yourself in this process. Sometimes we can be triggered by a memory, pushed down by sadness, or engulfed by a wave of grief. Pausing and letting ourselves know that we can ride the tide goes a long way in sustaining the quest to understand ourselves and process our realities. Self-compassion involves caring for yourself during tough times and being tolerant of your perceived flaws. Think of yourself similar to a suffering friend or a hurt family member, and extend the same kindness you would to them. Reframing “I’m terrible for losing my temper” to “It’s okay that I got upset,” can be game-changing. When you treat your emotions with compassion, you can come to a point of acceptance.
Emotions are a natural and essential part of the human experience. They hold valuable information about our inner state, and by processing and accepting them, we can foster a greater sense of well-being. So take some time today, maybe even right now, sit with yourself, check-in and ask that super therapist question, how am I feeling?